Out to eat . . . again?

i LOVE going out to eat.  it feels very special to me and i love being able to try new things.  i used to look at going out to eat as a special occasion . . . i would have to be "good" in order to earn a nice meal out.  of course when i got there my immediate thoughts pushed me to believe that i wouldnt be doing this again until i saved up enough "good" days so i would take all i could get.  id do one of two things . . . look at the menu online, decide what is semi-healthy and make sure id take half home (even though i would still be hungry).  or go all out and order something "bad" like a burger and fries and eat the whole damn thing. 

this past week, i have had many meals out.  part of the reason is because well, its summer and i like going out and part of it is because i finally gave myself permission to enjoy it so it is not as scary.  for instance, yesterday i went out to lunch with my co-worker friend.  she had already knew what she wanted and it just so happened that her meal came with dessert and an appetizer.  i had ordered a carribean chicken sandwich because thats what i honestly wanted.  well, she is on a diet so all bets were off . . . this was her time to totally pig out, and that she did.  i on the other hand, made a promise to myself that i would just stop eating when i was satisfied (more on this subject in the future!) and i had this kind of mental block that i would stop at half, and bring the rest home.  well . . . as i got to half, i was still just a bit hungry, so i continued eating a few more bites and then stopped . . . to my very suprise . . . there was about 2-3 bites left of the sandwich and a few sweet potato fries.  now, usually there would either be half or nothing and today i was in between! I FOUND THE GRAY :D. . . this truly makes me believe that i am progressing forward.  in that moment, i felt like the stresses of eating a meal out totally dissapeared because today i trusted my body to tell me what to do. 

my friend on the other hand ate some of her dessert (after getting mad at me for not getting any) and took the rest back to work with us.  she told me that she felt like she shouldnt take any leftovers home because she didnt want to "ruin" two days instead of one. meaning if she took the stuff home, tomorrow would not be a "good" day.  i simply told her just to eat it if she wanted it, and if not . . . dont!  "but its soooo goood" she said ; ) 

today chris and i went out to a new thai place, we have never been to one and although we were excited . . . i just didnt really feel like i was really able to give my full attention and excitement to the experience.  i know part of it is because i may be sick of spending so much money on meals out, but it also is because i just may be sick of eating out! *shock*  all in all it was a great meal . . . but it would have been much better if i was truly excited.

the novelty of eating out, is starting to wear off for me i think.  just like now i am starting to crave more vegetables and 'lighter' food now that i introduced back everything that i avoided like the plague.  i feel like things are going to start balancing out even more that food isnt scary to me, this is a good thing. i spent some time today in my kitchen preparing foods for the rest of the week which felt good.  i can look forward to some salad, beans & rice, grilled veggies, turkey burgers . . . they all sound good!

i havent weighed myself since before a wedding i was in a few weeks ago, i am very curious to see what is going on, but i know that my head is not ready to see the number. i feel that i need further repair before i can be trusted to know the number.  i honestly do feel a bit lighter though but that right now is not as important as my mind being lighter :)