so let me tell you a quick bit about myself. i am currently 25 years old, i live in an apartment with my boyfriend of 4 years, i currently work as physical therapist type person (not licensed) for a busy chiropractic office. my true passion in life is food and nutrition and it took me so many years to figure this out. i will hopefully be attending the natural gourmet institute in nyc in the fall and will hopefully find my calling through the experiences and knowledge i gain there.
ive always had a larger frame then everyone around me, its just the way my family is built. we all tend to carry a good portion of muscle more then the usual. i never realized it until about middle school, and honestly it didnt truly bother me until high school when i noticed how much more thin everyone was than me, i wasnt fat by any means, but definetly larger then everyone else. i went on the atkins diet shortly after high school and i got my weight down to 143 (btw i am 5'5 and ~165). this diet fueled an interest in nutrition and made me feel amazing. that is until . . . i broke down one day and binged like no other. all in all, i ended up gaining 8lbs MORE then when i was when i started. this led me to more diets & weight training. i cant say this was totally a bad experience, for without it . . . i never would have learned what interests me in life . . . i went through college to get a certificate in exercise science and went on to become a personal trainer. it was around this time that my body image and self esteem plummeted to very low. i would restrict, binge, exercise . . . find a new diet, screw it up, restrict more. it wasnt long before my weight and my appearance became tied together with my self worth and how i viewed myself. i am a strong girl and i have a good head on my shoulders, but it seemed that the lack of control i had over my look and weight cancelled all of this out.
its been a solid 5-6 years of this up and down emotion, and i am just sick of it. the more i try to be good, the worse off i become. as i had mentioned before, i kind of had a breakthrough when i randomly picked up the intuitive eating book. ive read many books before on the subject and even worked my way through one of the Geneen Roth workbooks but this book was different. it was almost as if it outed my dirty little eating secrets and forced me to look at the truth. i needed to find a way to live the rest of my life and tap into the great potential that has been shadowed by this vicious cycle for so long. i am ready to break free of all of this and accept and love myself here and now and let my body adjust accordingly :)
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